Non-scale Victories & Other Weight Loss Miracles

September 27, 2008

Saying Goodbye to Me

Whoever would’ve thought that contemplating a change in my profile picture on another site would stir up so many feelings, and such a sense of loss?

The fact is that the profile picture isn’t “me” anymore. Granted, it’s a pretty cool picture of me that turned out reasonably well, but I don’t look like that anymore. This is not a bad thing. That picture was taken about 2 years ago, when I was at close to my heaviest weight. It was a picture of me at another point in my life. But it’s not me anymore.

The me in that picture isn’t even the same person inside anymore. That me was happy at times, and at times extremely down on herself. That me thought that the first thing people noticed about her was how fat she was. She was the butt of fat jokes, rude remarks and insults. The me in that picture held a lot of hurt, shame, sadness and pain inside, behind the smile.

The me I am now is very different. I am, while not at my ideal weight yet, about 80 lbs lighter than the me in the picture. I now get flirted with instead of insulted. After over 15 years as the me in the picture, I am someone else. I am someone I don’t recognize at times when I catch a glimpse of myself in a store window.

It’s not just the weight loss. I am more energetic, more self-confident, and genuinely happy, inside and out. I’ve done things that I never thought I would ever be able to do, like Tae Bo and getting up to 4 mph on the treadmill. I’ve set a goal, and am accomplishing so much more along the way. I truly feel good about myself and who I am for the first time.

So then, why is changing a profile picture and saying goodbye to the old me so difficult?

Carol Martzinek's Facebook profile

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